Reminiscing...Look At Me Now

Claudia

More than anything else, heart matters can frustrate the life out of you. 

A while ago I nearly lost myself to frustrations. I felt I wasn't good enough and all my efforts kept increasing my woes, until I decided to walk away. 

I took my fears and walked all the way to bliss. 

There's nothing more soothing than peace of mind.

I know that ups and downs are part of life. 

I have come to know this, not as a cliché but from experience. 

I have come a long way on both ends to take note of the 3Cs of life "chance, choice, change". They make a world of impact but only one of these lie in our hands yet we misuse that one card.



Before now, I have allowed myself to float around people and situations but as I grew older, I grew wise enough to know that people/opportunities/situations will come and go but if we stay strong enough we'll overcome them.

There are many things in life that we can/should be intentional about, Love is one of them. 

That's the power of choice!

We should try to be clear about who we allow into our space and why. 

The decisions we make largely determine our outcomes but if we know the power we possess, we can change alot. We just have to be deliberate enough to leave almost nothing to chance. 

I used to be so insecure and afraid that I almost killed myself over love matters. 

I used to cry about being mistreated, nag about not being respected, worry about being cheated or dumped.

I used to beg for conversations, beg for attention and beg to be loved.

One person, one moment, one situation could make you feel so little to the point that you write yourself off.

I was always struggling to prove that I was good enough because I knew I was a good person and had good intentions. I thought that was good enough but I was not appreciated, I was mistreated and made a prisoner of my emotions. 

Look at me now!

Everything has changed.

One broke me, trampled on my dignity and battered my self esteem. Another picked me up, put me together, restored my dignity and rebuilt my self esteem. 

I stood up for myself. I was hungry for more. I wanted to feel what I was giving in return. I wanted something real and peaceful. I took the step forward and I found my peace.

It took a while for my growth to happen but it did happen and I'm glad I gave myself a chance.

Love is beautiful.

Knowing that someone cares about you and that the world can accommodate who you are is pleasing to the heart. 

This is not about finding anything, getting engaged/married (Life is way more than that) but about being comfortable in your own skin, being happy, well rounded and good enough to attract the good you want and deserve. 

I found someone who gave me one year that cancelled out a whole decade. Indeed "time and chance" but what if I never took the decision to WALK. 

Everything changed the moment I realised that I am the only one who has the power to love me the way I want to be loved.

I started to love myself more, I vegan treating me right, I changed focus and growth happened. The entire world around me moved with the change.

Now, I am a happy fellow.

Now, I am too busy to cry over anyone, too relaxed to snoop around, too confident to worry about being cheated on or dumped.

I went from trying to prove to being me. I became more productive and successful because I have a clear head and I have peace.

Situations that were meant to break me, built me. My worst moments propelled me. What was supposed to crush me, strengthened me. The breaking point became a tipping point.

Love, peace, fun, attention and all I was struggling for began to "rush" me.

I'm no longer trying to keep anyone or prove anything. My system naturally separates me from toxic people and situations.

My insecurities are gone, no longer fighting unnecessary battles from the moment I realised "I am the icing on the cake".

I only owe myself and the world a duty to be a good and happy person.

This is me now!